Women carry resentment for a long time, especially when they have been hurt over and over. And it sounds like this is the case with you, BUT the upside is, you have realized you've done wrong and taken all the steps possible to fix your marriage.
The reason why your wife doesn't get a job or drive? Is beyond me. But I can see why YOU are resentful towards her. Maybe there was a breakdown in communication in regards to you two and where you see things as a family and as individuals.
But bottom line is, you two still have the phsyical chemistry and if she was ALL hateful towards you, there would be NO chance in heck that she and you would sleep together, nonetheless for you to spend two nights in a row at the house.
A marriage is a compromise that needs to be constantly worked on, and just bc she gave you a ';20%'; chance of getting back to marriage counseling and all, doesn't mean it's the end of all. Keep you head up, continue to improve on your flaws and be persistent on giving her the look, the touches, the little things that women adore and makes them feel special and loved. She will cave at some point and if she doesn't then it wasn't meant to be and she has moved on emotionally.
But like I said, keep your head up, take it day by day and strive to be the best you can be as a husband like you've been doing as a dad.My wife and I separated. help. Im so confused?
Wow! It sounds to me like she is getting some advice from an outside source, like family or friends. I only say that because of her reaction when you guys are close, i.e she's all sweet and sentimental. But then sometimes she seems ';hard';, talking about this 20% chance and all. I think the counseling will be good for both of you; I'd stick with that. It's sad for the kids sake that you aren't with the family. but I understand as many do that sometimes it just has to be that way. I know this wasn't a whole lot of advice but I wish you and your family the best.
Wow this is so sad! It sounds to me like you are on the right track agreeing to go to counseling and everything. Are you positive that the reason she is doing is this is because of your actions and your actions alone? Do you think she may have any other reason why she would want to separate?
I know not having closure in this situation is painful but you may have to just stick with what you are doing. However if it were me I would tell her nicely how this waiting and worrying is killing me and if there is anything else I can do tell me, if not please don't leave me hanging and lets get back to working with out together.
It seems the separation has done you two good for now but 21/2 weeks is a long time - I wouldn't wait for an answer for any longer than a month. If she still wants to stay separated in a month and you've done all you can do then I would say it's time to part ways.
Make sure you both know what is bothering each other and try to get it across to each other as nicely as possible. Let her know that you are frustrated about her not working, etc. Each person has to comprise. Continue to go to counseling together and separately. Speak to your family and friends about this - they are usually the best counselors. Try speaking to your wife's family and friends - they may have a better idea of what is going on in her head and may be willing to help you.
Good luck!
Separation is almost always the final step before the actual divorce papers are filed. She is keeping things together with you until she finalizes things with whomever else she has been seeing. Nothing more. As soon as she is ready to move out (or move the other man in), you are gone. It's taking so long because she is trying to figure out how to pay all the bills after you're gone. I'm not even going to address the issues during your marriage, because I think it's too late for that. If I were you, I would start looking at places to live, put an attorney on retainer and keep going to counseling for yourself. The counseling will do you good no matter what. Best of luck to you.
Wow! This has certainly been a whirlwind for you!! First, a note of caution - if she's been diagnosed as depressed, please make sure that they do NOT put her on an SSRI!! (I've had some experience with this) - this family of drugs make it so you cannot feel the peaks of emotions. They've caused many problems and they've been over-perscribed. One of the worst of this family is Paxil - the dependency is so bad, you can actually die from the side effects if you try to stop it on your own (they have to wean you off with other drugs).
More info on SSRI's here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_s鈥?/a>
If your wife is on an SSRI, she will have lost her empathy - which would cause some of her callous behavior. There are other treatments for depression.
Now, more directly to your problem. It sounds like you are doing the right things. Don't let that 20% number bother you. It definitely sounds like you two have already made tremendous progress - and it's quite apparent that she still has strong feelings for you. Keep doing what you're doing - be supportive - and she's likely to come back to you. The issues that have been causing you resentment - work those through with your therapist so they aren't causing you stress. You won't be able to address those issues themselves in the near term. You may be able to address them in time in marriage counseling. Talk to the marriage counselor alone and discuss your desires to address some of these - they will have a better idea of when/if they can be addressed in your sessions together.
It's going to be a tough go - the positive side is that when you two get through this your relationship will be much stronger and healthier than it ever was!!
Best of luck!!
I will tell you my personal story...which is somewhat similar. I have been with my hubby for 5 years now. We have 1 son, who is 20 months old. I love my hubby...but I miss the way we were in the beginning. He would buy me flowers out of the blue. We discussed our differences and then moved on. 2 years ago he started wanting to party and go out with his cousin. Wouldn't include me in his activities. (I didn't want to be in ALL, but at least invite me.) He started drinking. When he would get mad he would punch walls and yell at the top of his lungs. Now when he drinks he talks so much $#!t because he's mad @ whatever sets him off. We argue and say mean things to each other. Couples have arguments...no doubt about that. But when it comes to disrespecting each other and making one feel less than the other, then is when some kind of action needs to take place. I believe everything would be better if we would just separate. He doesn't want to because I feel once you separate it needs to end in divorce. And I believe she is thinking the same. Try to make her feel special more often. If she shuts you down, keep trying and be persistent. We know it will never be the same as in the beginning, but if you show us you are willing to work hard to make this relationship last then there may be some hope. One question: What is it that you tell her to make her feel like you emotionally abuse her? Things like: ';you're worthless';...and all that? Why don't you teach her to drive? Or is it you that didn't want her to drive...??
I am planning to leave my husband. He touches me, caresses me and sees a slight change in expression and falsely believes that I like it and in fact I don't. I resent him, don't want to be with him. Make love to him only out of pity, keep regretting it later. I don't love my husband anymore but he keeps on believing that I do and that it is just my anger. But he needs to understand that it is not anger, and that I am just over him, have moved on and want to end this marriage cos of all the mean ways he has treated me. Cos I deserve someone much better, someone who will love me with all my heart and respect me. This could be your case, I am not saying it is, but it could be cos you never know exactly what is on a woman's mind. Guesses are rarely correct. And so as i woman I explained you my part. I am really not helping you in a positive way when I am saying this. But just showing you what could be other side. I would still like to mention to you to not take my answer seriously and get disheartened. May be things will get better between you and your wife and that is what I am hoping for. God bless you!
I think that she definitely needs to see a psych and check out the true source of her depression. Maybe she does not feel fulfilled and needs to show to herself that she is worth living. Maybe she feels guilty that she cannot be who you wish her to be. maybe you should just accept her for who she is for a change. This is true love. Motivate her and give her a chance to fulfil herself.
The first thing that I would do is ask her to get a drivers license and get her a car. The second thing I would do is start dating her just like you did at the beginning of your relationship. I know that the money is tight but you don't have to take her somewhere expensive take her to the park or on a picnic. Before you ask her get childcare ask your parents or someone that you trust to take care of them. Have everything set up before you ask. Take her out on a date about 1 or 2 times a week. Call her on the phone just to tell her you love her. Leave her some room and try not to smother her. The 3rd thing and probably the most important is to start going to Church. If you don't already have a personal relationship with Jesus you will need to ask Him to be the Lord of you life and ask for forgiveness of all your sins and turn from those sins. In the world today there are all kinds of things that are against you and your wife but if you put God first and pray for Him to He will heal your marriage. I am not trying to preach to you I just know because I have been right there in your shoes and once I put God first in my marriage and in my life our marriage was healed. So to sum this up get your wife a drivers license and start dating your wife put God first in your marriage.. I am praying for you and your wife and God bless..
did she drive and work before you got married?
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